Life is Complex

I am not sure why life can be so hard. I genuinely need a break from it all. It has been a rough couple of weeks at our house. Pearl took a turn for the worse, and we had to let her go on Saturday, July 17th. I knew it would happen fast when it was time. As much as we tried to prepare ourselves, we still were not quite ready. I do not think anyone is. We do find some peace in knowing that she is with Brianna and that they will be keeping each other company until we all meet again. I am still looking for the “purrfect” urn for her ashes.

Indeed, people out there do not understand the connection you can have with a four-legged baby; I honestly feel sorry for people like this. Our furry family members do not judge us, they listen to our every word with intent, and, whether in a good mood or bad, love us whole-heartedly anyway. I would not wish the loss of a child on my worst enemy. Pearl made us smile and laugh at a time when we just wanted to hide in a cave. For this, we will always be grateful.

Everyone who has ever met Pearl will tell you what a great cat she was. There was something quite magical about her. She could swoon even the worst “cat hater” into a cat lover, at the very least a Pearl lover.
Even though we managed to find a kitten, Oscar, to keep Maggie company, she is very depressed. Yes, animals grieve. I do not understand how some humans think that they do not have feelings. She sleeps in Pearls’ spot on the bed, under Pearl’s blanket, and not playing as much. I took her to the vet last weekend to be sure she was alright. Her voice was very hoarse. We were worried she might have eaten or swallowed part of a cat toy. They found nothing wrong, and we concluded that she must be meowing when we are gone during the day, looking and crying for Pearl.

I will be honest; losing Pearl has been a huge trigger. The pain does not go away; we have learned to cope over the last seven years. It is hard to believe it has been that long. Learning to live your life differently is not an easy task. I do not typically stay in a rut too long and have learned to hide how I feel very well. If it were up to me, I would not even leave my house. I have people tell me I am a strong woman all the time. I agree to disagree. I know I have functioning depression. I always do the right thing, regardless of how I feel. So, I go to work, pay my bills, and take care of myself and my family the best I can. However, I no longer allow people in my life who are not there for the right reasons or who make me feel worse than I already do. Trust me. I feel bad enough.

Somewhere in the midst of this chaos, I did gift the baby blankets and the baby quilt to the recipients. I also finished my first commissioned embroidery piece and have given it to the purchaser. The intended recipient will not receive it until August, so photos of this project will come soon.